The Pain Of Loss
by suicides-in-the-blood
Summary: After Lukas's accident Hermione just isnt the same anymore. Will she crumble under the pressure of Hogwarts and who will be her saviour? The dark and mysterious one... or his rival?
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own the Characters from J.K. Rowling's world, but various characters such as the Saunders and Lukas I have created to fit the plot I am creating within the Harry Potter realm. No money is being made from this fiction; the only thing I hope to earn is reviews.

Dedication: I dedicate this chapter to one of my closest ever friends Vallery, in whom was separated from me – she lives far over mountains, rivers and the ocean but we're still as close as ever. She has gotten me into some of the best stuff and her fics are awesome too and I thank her for that! Peace!

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**Chapter One**

Her head lay heavily in her hands as she sat in the brightly lit hospital awaiting news of her best friend's condition. Lukas had been in a horrific car accident and had been badly injured. He was being operated on and a sixteen year old Hermione could barely stand the pain of waiting for news of his recovery.

It was another two hours of uncomfortable silence and waiting when Dr. Martin from the Emergency department came up to Hermione and Lukas's parents Mr. & Mrs. Saunders, a grim look on his face.

"I'm extremely sorry to say this but your son Lukas didn't make it through surgery," he said sullenly. Mrs. Saunders burst out crying on her husbands shoulder as Hermione shook her head violently in disbeleif.

"NO I DON'T BELIEVE YOU," Hermione screamed at the doctor, grabbing his coat violently and shoving him back and forth as tears spilled from her bloodshot eyes.

"I'm sorry," Dr. Martin said placing his hands on her shoulders in order to calm her down. "The internal bleeding was just too heavy. We couldn't stop it."

"NO. NO. NO. NO. I refuse to believe you, you're lying," she seethed, letting go of his coat and running towards the operating room. Bursting in she came upon the body of Lukas lying on the table a white sheet draped over his body, his pale blue eyes open and his black hair messed up. She slapped him hard on the face as the tears continued to blur her vision

"Get up Lukas," she ranted, shaking his body violently. "Wake up Lukas! Come on," she said continuing to shake him as various nurses tried to pull her away from the dead boys body.

"HOW CAN YOU LEAVE ME LIKE THIS LUKAS? COME BACK! PLEASE COME BACK TO ME. I NEED YOU! I LOVE YOU TOO MUCH FOR YOU TO LEAVE ME LIKE THIS," she screamed in a blind rage, shoving back a nurse roughly who was trying to pry her off him.

More tears fell from her blood shot eyes as realization really hit her. Lukas was gone…forever, he would never come back, never call her, never hug her, never tell her that he loved her. Shaking violently Hermione ran from the room, feeling numb all over. She ran past Dr. Martin and the Saunders and out of the hospital all together. She couldn't bear to face them or anybody in fact.

She was running so fast and she didn't care where she was going as long as she was away from that horrid hospital where her dearly beloved lay. She tripped over something as she was running and fell to the cold gravel, cutting herself in various places as she fell. She lay crumpled in that same position as she let out horrid screams and cries of anguish.

"I'm broken without you Lukas," she chocked out between retched sobs, the tears just kept coming from her eyes.

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She whimpered and laid her head on the ebony coffin lid tears spilling from the sides of her tightly clenched eyes as the funeral commenced. Lukas Saunders was her best friend in the Muggle world and she had known him since Pre-Primary when their teacher paired them up to sit next to each other. And now he was gone and she felt like there was a big hole missing from her heart that could never be filled. The thing that pained Hermione most was the fact that she never got to say goodbye. As her tears continued to fall, rain poured down hard, making the atmosphere even worse for the funeral. 

"Our dearest friend Lukas, you will be sorely missed, and may your soul rest in peace," said the priest concluding the ceremony. Hermione looked up at Mrs. Sanders, Lukas's mother who was crying into her husbands shoulder and felt pained even more at the sight of her and the knowing fact she had lost her only son.

It had been five days since Lukas's death and all Hermione had done was cry her heart out. She couldn't help it; Lukas meant the world to her, they had grown up hand in hand, done everything together and when she went away to Hogwarts, he supported her and encouraged her to go when she had been thinking about declining their offer. In her heart Hermione had loved Lukas more than words could explain and something in her snapped when she found out he had died. The Hermione Jane Granger everybody had known and loved was dead.

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A/N: This fic has been changed around a little bit. I've added some more things and re-written some of the crappier parts.

xoxo  
Kandy

Ps. Don't forget to review children


	2. Chapter 2

**The Pain of Loss**

**Dedication: I dedicate this chapter to another one of my very close friends – Calypso! Rock on kitty you'll get that Australian holiday soon! xox**

**Reviewers: There aren't many reviews for this Fanfiction. Perhaps if I add more and make the story juicier it will get more reviews?  
**

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**Recap**  
_It had been five days since Lukas's death and all Hermione had done was cry her heart out. She couldn't help it; Lukas meant the world to her, they had grown up hand in hand, done everything together and when she went away to Hogwarts, he supported her and encouraged her to go when she had been thinking about declining their offer. In her heart Hermione had loved Lukas more than words could explain and something in her snapped when she found out he had died. The Hermione Jane Granger everybody had known and loved was dead.

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**Chapter Two **

Hermione sulked her way through the rest of the school holidays, never replying or even bothering to read the many letters Harry and Ron and even Ginny had sent her. She spent most of her time awake cooped up in her bedroom, barely talking, barely eating, barely living. Instead of the usual anticipation of getting her Hogwarts things from Diagon Alley, Hermione wanted nothing more than to stay in the muggle world and morn the loss of her best friend. Instead of acquiring her own things, her parents had sent a letter to Remus Lupin explaining the situation and had asked him to do it for her. A reply from Remus had stated that all her Hogwarts things would be cared for and sent to her rooms at Hogwarts by the time she arrived.

Her parents had begged her to see a counselor of some sort over the previous weeks, but Hermione just wouldn't hear of it. She would just sulk even more and lock herself in her bedroom for longer periods of time going on without food and water. It seemed that the only company she kept was her pet cat Crookshanks who barely left her side.

Sooner than she realized, Hermione was to be going back to Hogwarts the following morning and for once in her lifetime, she wished she wasn't. She slumped into the ready warm bubble bath her mother had prepared moments earlier and rested her head on her knees as her long curly brown hair, began sticking to her back.

"God Lukas, how I miss you," she sighed, as salty tears fell down her pale cheeks once more. She sat there crying in the bathtub long after her fingers had become prune like. By the time she moodily got out of the bath, she seemed to be all out of tears. Her eyes were sore again; mind you it was something that she had become used too.

She found her self wrapped in her favorite forest green nightgown, incidentally the one that Lukas had bought her the day before his death. She settled down quietly in a comfortable spot on her double bed and pulled out her photo album from beneath one of her silver pillows. Flipping through the pages she relived her happy memories of the past before slowly drifting into a dreamless sleep.

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The next morning Hermione woke up at 10am, she knew she had little time to get ready, but still she moved like a turtle on a slow day. "Hermione dear, hurry, we're leaving in 10 minutes," her mother called from down the stairs as Hermione pulled on a casual pair of black jeans and a shirt. Grabbing a comfortable black hoodie, Hermione slumped down the stairs and into the kitchen where both her parents were waiting for her.

"Are you ready dear?" Her father asked her, carrying out her almost empty Hogwarts trunk. She merely nodded and clambered out the front door, not even bothering to take notice of the breakfast of chocolate pancakes that her parents had made especially for her.

The whole ride to Kings Cross Station was silent, her parents shared an occasional glance at each other, but that was it. Once they had reached the station, her parents unloaded her Hogwarts things and her mother handed her Crookshank's basket, then kissed and hugged her goodbye before leaving with worried looks plastered to their faces.

"I'm going to be fine, I'm going to be fine," she whispered, taking in a deep breath and holding her head high before stalking off to Platform 9 ¾ . She pulled her satchel over one of her shoulders as she loaded her things on to the Hogwarts Express and got on it, carrying Crookshanks with her. She found an empty compartment and placed Crookshanks basket down and pulled off her satchel, placing it in the empty seat next to her. She sat cross legged on the tartan seat closest to the window, gazing out it, dreaming of the times she and Lukas would pillow fight and have long talks about everything all throughout the night. She was so enticed in her thoughts and memories that she didn't hear the compartment door slide open.

"Hey Hermione, we've been looking all over the place for you, how come you haven't replied to our letters?" asked Harry, his green eyes glimmering in the light. Hermione jumped, "sorry?" she asked as her faced glazed over with confusion.

"Are you alright Hermione?" Ron asked, sitting down opposite her. She licked her lips nervously before plastering a fake smile onto her face.

"Perfectly fine," she said, opening Crookshank's cage and pulling him onto her lap. She looked up at them, smiling, smiling her fake smile as the train whistle blew and the train began its long journey to Hogwarts.

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**A/N: This chapter has been re-written today. I hope that it is slightly better than what it used to be. I think that you should review.**

**Kandy**


	3. Chapter 3

The Pain of Loss

Dedication: I'm deciding to dedicate this chapter to JenJen, one of my most specialist friends on the planet ever!

Reviewers: Keep reviewing PLEASE :hands out lollies:  
  
Chapter Three

"Herms, we sent you dozens of letters! Not one of them was replied to," Harry said once again after they had settled into the compartment.  
"Oh… really?" she asked, in a tone that stated she didn't really care.  
"Really,"  
"I was visiting my great Aunt Cecil in Germany and got back last night. Mom and dad must have forgotten to tell me I had mail, perhaps," she said, forming a fake apologetic smile.  
"In that case, it's all right. You're forgiven," Harry smiled.  
"We thought you were dead at one point," Ron said shrugging.

'So did I, so did I,' she thought before letter out a fake laugh.

There was a knock on the compartment door 25 minutes later. "Anything off the trolley dears?" the old witch asked them. Ron's eyes were instantly drawn to the whirls of colourful candy on the trolley before him.

Hermione stood up and grabbed her purse from her satchel. "May I please have one bottle of Pumpkin Juice and a small carton of Bertie Botts Every Flavoured Beans?" she asked as the old lady started handing her the goods in which she asked.  
"That's 1sickel and 6knuts deary," she said as Hermione delved her hand into her purse and gave it to her. She then went to sit back down as bot the boys bought something from the food trolley.

An hour passed on and Hermione stood up abruptly. Ron gave her a questioning look as she neared the compartment door.  
"Bathroom," she muttered before stepping out into the empty hall. She made her way soundlessly to the end of the train before slipping into the girl's lavatory.

Exiting a few minutes later, Hermione became face to face with none other than the infamous Draco Malfoy – git of the century.

"Who mudblood, I always wondered why I could smell something putrid. Now I know why," she said smirking a making a smelly hand movement.  
"Well, well, wee. If it isn't the bouncing white ferret," she sneered crossing her arms.  
"Shut it mudblood,"  
"Or what 'ferret', you'll call good old daddy in Azkaban to come and kill me? Ooooh, I'm shaking in my boots," she smirked before rolling her eyes and stalking off, leaving Draco seething with anger.

When Hermione entered the compartment, she did not like the scene which greeted her. Harry and Ron had obviously been into her satchel, for the sat together on the floor flipping through her photo album.

"Hey Herms, how come there aren't any of us in here. Only you and that black haired boy," Ron said, not taking his eyes of the photo.  
"HOW DARE YOU GO THROUGH MY THINGS," she screeched, ripping the album out of their hands.  
"What? Is he your boyfriend or something?" Harry asked fixing up his wonky glasses. Hermione flushed a bright red.  
"We didn't mean to Herms, Crookshanks knocked over your satchel and this fell out," Ron said, pointing to the satchel, which was lying over the floor, a variety of her belongings scattered on the floor.

"You had no right," Hermione said seethingly, clutching the album to her chest as if for dear life.  
"We're sorry Hermione, geez. It's only a photo album," Harry said, not knowing the real reason she was upset.  
"ARGH! That's not the bloody point," she spat before shoving her things into her satchel and rudely grabbing her cat and its basket before storming out of the compartment. Harry and Ron just sat there shocked. What had they done to make her flip out like that?

For the rest of the journey, Hermione sat silently listening to her mp3 in a compartment with Neville, Luna and Ginny of who asked her no questions but accepted her silence. She gazed out of the window as they pulled up into the Hogsmeade station she smiled, a small sad smile. Soon she would be back into her old routine of the Gryffindor know-it-all.

A/N: What did you think of that? Please review and tell me…! Love you all!  
Kandy


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